Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
