I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
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After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
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i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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