stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
