guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
