I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
