No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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