Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
