Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
