Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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