I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
