I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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