The maid of honor just puked.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
All I want is dick and wine.
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