i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
