I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
