oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
