Your face is a jimmy john
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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