i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
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They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
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My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.