im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
