So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.