i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
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I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
As shirtless as possible
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
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Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.