TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night