my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
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We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
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He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family