yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
