i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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