i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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