i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
