And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize