There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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