He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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