I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
