i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
