I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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