I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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