Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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