i think my mom watched the whole time
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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