I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Houston, we have a squirter
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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