ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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