yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
