I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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