Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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