Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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