I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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