I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
