He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
