I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
and she was petting her beer can
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He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
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After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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