He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
