Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
