I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
