I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
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Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
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I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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