One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
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At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
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I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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