forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
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