I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
