I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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