So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
