she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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