'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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