I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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