it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
