dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
