I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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