i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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