there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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