...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
