It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
