I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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