Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
