She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
