Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
