I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You made out with two different species that night
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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