dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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