Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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